Alex Jones Believes ‘Weather Weapons’ Might’ve Caused Oklahoma Super-Tornado

alex_jones_obama_terroristWell, it didn’t take long for Alex Jones to poop out a ridiculous conspiracy theory surrounding the monster tornado that ripped through Moore, Oklahoma on Monday.

Did you know the government has “weather weapons” capable of not only creating tornadoes but moving them around? It’s also possible that these so-called weapons were used in Oklahoma to deliberately murder dozens of citizens — you know, with a tornado. If the government wanted to annihilate a population of citizens, there are easier and more subtle ways to do it than literally creating a massive tornado. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

This is what Alex Jones said on his radio show yesterday when a caller asked him whether the tornado was “artificial” and “man-made” due to “technology.” Just as this caller, who’s obviously suffering from severe paranoid delusions, ended her rant, Jones launched into a paranoid rant of his own which included, as it always does, a random string of official names of organizations potentially involved. Bill Gates Weather Modification, Geo-Engineering, AP, Reuters, Department of Energy. (Other frequently blurted names include IBM, Raytheon, Bechtel, FEMA and The Illuminati.) Then, totally unrelated to the tornado, he tossed in a bit about the U.S. Code relating to biological and chemical warfare, and the apparent ability of the government to kill us with chemicals agents under the guise of experiments and law enforcement. In fact, he named a U.S. Code title by number, chapter number, subsection number — all the way down to the paragraph letter. Because it sounds official and therefore authentic.

Word salad. You’d expect to hear this from a guy wearing a tunic made of plastic bags and used diapers while shouting at invisible enemies on the street corner. But it’s just the kind of gibberish, delivered with the slick fluidity of a televangelist, that paranoid schizophrenics eat for breakfast. Millions of them nationwide.

However, unlike his Boston Marathon “false flag” theory, he left himself some wiggle room when he said:

“I don’t know if this was a weather weapon or not, but they can, with the right conditions — they can create and steer groups of tornadoes.”

Yes, the U.S. government can not only create and steer a tornado, they can steer entire groups of tornadoes. Given the monstrous power of the Oklahoma storm, this means the U.S. government could effectively contain and move the explosive power of the detonated Hiroshima bomb — several of them evidently. Jones wasn’t clear about precisely how they’d accomplish this but it would presumably involve force-fields and tractor beams of some sort, which begs the question: why don’t we have floating cars and Back to the Future hoverboards yet?

This is as close as he came to defining how it’s done:

“The question is, were their helicopters and small aircraft seen… in and around the clouds, spraying and doing things. If you saw that, you better bet your bottom dollar they did this, but who knows if they did. You know, that’s the thing, we don’t know.”

Spraying things and doing things? Just enough ambiguity to dig him out of the hole, while offering up a physical explanation to his sociopathic listeners. See, if there are helicopters in the sky, they must be there to spray “things” and do “things” to the weather because of the New World Order and the Illuminati — and not because there are such things as rescue helicopters, police helicopters, news helicopters and so forth which are typically deployed whenever a natural disaster is taking place. This is the core of Jones’ scam. He takes every day things (see also juice boxes) and spins them with nefarious intent for the digestion of mentally ill followers who need to feel as if they’re special because they’re aware of what’s really happening out there. Jones is manufacturing for his own personal wealth the antithesis to Occam’s Razor: there aren’t any simple explanations for anything. We’ll call it Bidondi’s Razor. Alex Jones weaves these complicated scenarios and therefore creates a perpetual, addictive need for… Alex Jones… to guide and protect his disciples through the twisted labyrinth of what’s really happening.

The irony, of course, is that there’s an obvious and actual conspiracy circulating around all of this: the economic and political effort to exacerbate the climate crisis. And yet Alex Jones rejects the entire idea of the climate crisis and, with it, the solutions for mitigating it. In this case, the corporate and political manipulation and abuse of our climate is happening in plain view, threatening to decimate the human species (among others) and Alex Jones believes it’s all fake. He believes global warming is a Ponzi scheme and a plot to collect carbon taxes. The ability to create and move groups of tornado funnel clouds is actually happening while the calculated, scientific consensus that the Earth is growing hotter due to human-made pollution is a hoax.

Weird.

Someone as allegedly in-the-know as Alex Jones doesn’t realize that the government and corporate America has been exchanging billions of dollars and colluding for decades, if not more, to rape the natural world, risking the future health and longevity of humanity. That’s totally not a conspiracy. But the effort to stop it is clearly a plot. Welcome to the fucked-up parallel universe of Alex Jones. Everything is a scam, except for the things that actually are. And this explains Alex Jones himself: as he rattles off these preposterous theories to his gullible followers, he himself is the true scam artist — inventing conspiracies to exploit the naivete of his audience, handed down from a position of booming authority and sheer profit motive.

  • Dan

    Why was my comment deleted? Didnt use fowl language or anything?

  • Dan

    Creating tornados is not that hard. The tool for it is well known, and a few years ago, the European Union critized the US for having these capabillities. The weapon used is called HAARP, and there are 7 stations in the world, that can alter the weather. The US station is placed in Gakona, Alaska.
    The US government have build FEMA Camps, and bought tons of plastic coffins for a reason, and that reason you will see in the next few days, as a series of tornadoes, seem to strike at least 10 US States. Notice that the affected states, seem to get disarmed afterwords, as well.
    Not that wierd, just advanced technology, on a under informed, dumbed down, population.

  • Ipherion

    Do you people EVER check your facts? He never said that the Oklahoma tornadoes were sent by obumbles. What he mentioned is that the government has been capable of modifying weather and there are numerous programs for doing that all over the US and the world as well.

    Here’s one instance: http://www.dailypaul.com/273822/well-well-evergreen-aviation-admits-to-chemtrail-weather-modification-contract-w-usaf

    Oh look, here’s another one: http://singularityhub.com/2011/07/19/dubais-weather-wizards-create-rain-wrestle-power-from-mother-nature/

    Oops, my bad: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloud_seeding

  • jamie

    i actually read quite a few different unrelated random people commenting on facebook about seeing army style planes flying ahead of the tornado spraying chemicals…. i don’t live there and i didn’t see it but i did find it interesting that several people said they saw the same thing…. too bad they didn’t get it on video. i would have liked to have seen that. and to all of you idiots that think that just because someone is suspicious of the government they must obviously be crazy and have no valid information to offer you…. you deserve what is coming to you.

    • villemar

      Random people commenting on Facebook??? Case Closed!!!

  • Oklahomaproud

    He should go to Oklahoma and explain his theory to great people of Moore

  • Victor_the_Crab

    Ugh! Even reading this dumbass’ name makes one lose a few IQ points.

  • yajyak

    the so called “illuminati” may not have created this massive tornado, but they sure as hell used it to their advantage. i don’t really give a crap about conspiracy theories but when people refuse to listen to the truth, that scares me. people need to wake up. the truth is out there. knowledge is power.

    • villemar

      There is no such thing as the Illuminati you idiot.

    • villemar

      There is no such thing as the Illuminati you idiot.

      • tonezilla

        The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled… was convincing the world he didn’t exist….

        • villemar

          Whatever you say, Keyser Soze.

  • Christopher Foxx

    and therefore creates a perpetual, addictive need for… Alex Jones… to guide and protect his disciples

    You could replace “… Alex Jones…” with just about any organized religion.

  • scooby37

    We fail to ask question regarding are environment, I don’t follow Alex Jones all he is doing is spreading fear just like the mainstream media. So ask yourself the logical question, is it possible for do goverment to control the weather ?
    http://www.globalresearch.ca/chemtrails-the-realities-of-geoengineering-and-weather-modification/5311079

    Think for yourself ! You don’t need anyone telling what to think or what to feel. Use your logic and question everything.

    • i_a_c

      LOL, the conspiracy theorists always insist on using logic. Okay.

    • http://chrispugh.com/ Chris Pugh

      no.

    • ThePanicMan

      Every single conspiratard chicle in one simple package. By the way, you’re spreading fear, too, conspiratard.

    • Christopher Foxx

      Think for yourself ! You don’t need anyone telling what to think or what to feel. Use your logic and question everything.

      We do and we have, scooby. Which is why we recognize you and Alex Jones as the irrational, stupid people that you are.

    • Victor_the_Crab

      There’s only one logical question to be asked here: Are you for reals??!!!

    • villemar

      You transcend stupid like the eagle soars the fly. I mean how do you even function as a human being in society? It’s a miracle you can even post words on the internet much less feed yourself pudding without putting out an eye.

  • trgahan

    I believe in TV this would be referred to as the “Jump The Shark” moment for Alex Jones and his False Flag embittered, paranoid white guy fleecing scam. He had his 15 minutes with the Boston Marathon, now we can start ignoring him….please…

    • Treading_Water

      Sorry, but in right-wing paranoia world, shark jumping is second only to NASCAR in popularity.

  • http://twitter.com/BobFishell Bob Fishell

    STFU about weather weapons or Obama will drop a house on you.

  • http://www.artisvaria.com/ Nanotyrnns

    “Bidondi’s Safety Razor” ’cause I don’t think you want him handling stuff that’s too sharp for his own good.

    • Aaron Litz

      Bidondi’s Butterknife

      • http://www.artisvaria.com/ Nanotyrnns

        Ha!! That made me LOL pretty hard

  • http://www.facebook.com/hugos.lavia.37 Hugo S LaVia

    Why didn’t we use this weapon in Iraq?

    • D_C_Wilson

      Because Obama is the secret worldwide leader of Al Qaeda*, duh.

      *Actual claim made by Alex Jones.

  • kushiro -

    Sure, Bob. But how will you explain it if someone actually saw some kind of aircraft spraying something over miles of Oklahoma farmland? #tornadoghazi

  • js hooper

    FALSE FLAG TORNADO !!!!!….lmfao

    This tornado was an inside job….lol

    Clearly Obama created the tornado to distract us from his incriminating scandals. I’m sure Louie Gohmert, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Bachmann will call for hearings in to Obama’s secret plot. Glenn Greenwald will write a 10,000 word column about Obama’s illegal WEATHER WAR. I’m glad to see American Hero Alex Jones leading the way in the name of TRUTH.

    • Treading_Water

      The tornado was a plot to force the Senate to confirm his socialist, communist, fascist, muslimist, kenyanist, anti-American EPA head.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1072510497 facebook-1072510497

      Agreed

    • D_C_Wilson

      Randy will use this to justify defunding the National Weather Service.

  • MontanaSid

    I thought this country was going all to hell, socialism and all the other isms? Freedoms are being stripped, internment camps,,blah,blah blah. If that was the case how come idiots like this still get to go on the air and rant. They never mention that to their delusional listeners, do they.

    • Treading_Water

      Actually, that’s part of his shtick. We need to send Alex Jones money NOW so that he can protect himself from the government, which is trying to kill him but they haven’t killed him yet because he knows too much and he’s too smart, but there’s a plot to kill him that this overwhelmingly oppressive government machine hasn’t been able to accomplish but they want to and he needs more money to protect himself so that he can keep telling the truth about this government which is behind the scenes of every “manufactured” crisis this country faces and is overwhelmingly competent at staging fake crises but still hasn’t managed to kill him yet because he’s too smart.

      Or something like that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=663669914 Sean Richardson

      They do, it’s addressed as “If we don’t do (X), then I’ll probably be thrown off the air within the next year.” Last year, it was “beat Obama”, but they always find something.

  • Z54

    Has anybody bothered to poke around inside this guys head to see exactly how many of his gears are stripped and how many blown gaskets there are in there?

    • http://twitter.com/Satur9 SaturNine

      No mechanics in there, just a knotted ball of writhing snakes.

    • http://twitter.com/SugaRazor Razor

      The only gears turning in Alex Jones’ head are the ones that tell him how to sucker the mentally ill out of their money.

    • D_C_Wilson

      It’s just a hamster, furiously running on its wheel as it tries to escape a bad acid trip.

      • Aaron Litz

        No no, it’s a bag of cats.

    • Victor_the_Crab

      It would take a brave soul just to try and peek inside that dark, scary place.