I really wish I was making this up:
A Russian man was arrested late last month and charged with homicide after killing his friend by shoving a foot up his ass. Literally.
According to local reports, Vladimir Krasnov, 28, of Nizhny Novgorod had decided to make good on the oft-heard threat following a drunken fight with his 48-year-old friend Sergei over Krasnov's girlfriend Yelena.
Police say Krasnov waited until his friend passed out, and then proceeded to insert his right foot "into the victim's anus and rectum."
Sergei suffered severe internal bleeding as a result, and eventually died at the scene.
Krasnov was subsequently arrested, and now faces up to 15 years behind bars.
Apparently Krasnov did feel pretty bad about it after, telling officials, "Nothing like this would happen if I were sober."
I guess that makes it alright then.