Celebrities Are Important Because...

In our new weekly column, Jessica Furst looks at the monumentally important lives of celebrities and why we should follow their every move. In this weeks edition we look at the shenanigans of teeny bopper mega millionaire Justin Beiber and why 37 million are 'Beliebers'.
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In our new weekly column, Jessica Furst looks at the monumentally important lives of celebrities and why we should follow their every move. In this weeks edition we look at the shenanigans of teeny bopper mega millionaire Justin Beiber and why 37 million are 'Beliebers'.

Editors note: This is a new weekly column we'll be doing at The Daily Banter where Jessica Furst looks at the monumentally important lives of celebrities and why we should follow their every move. 

In this weeks edition of 'Celebrities Are Important Because...'  we look at teeny bopper mega millionaire Justin Beiber.

Justin Bieber

By Jessica Furst

This kid is 19 years old. And a nightmare.

He’s incapable of keeping his shirt on for any length of time, especially it seems in airports.

He wears a gas mask on a night out.

His hair, although mercifully shorter than before, is still ridiculous.

He had a pet monkey. I use ‘had’ because he decided he wanted to take his monkey to Germany, forgetting that you can’t just take animals anywhere you like and it got taken in to customs. It was then he decided that he’d had enough and allowed his ‘people’ to organize Mally the monkey to be sent to a zoo.

Karl Heinz Joachim, the manager of the shelter now looking after the monkey, stated very seriously: “The monkey was never going to be suited to be on a world tour, even if he is travelling by private jet. He should be out in the wild climbing trees.” And they say Germans don’t have a sense of humor…

His fans are called 'Beliebers'. The fact they have named themselves is bad enough.

Somehow, he has over 37 million people following him on Twitter.

After Justin’s trip to London last month when a photographer told him to “fuck off back to America,” (fair) he promptly responded that he “would beat the fuck out of him.” (Remember the kids Justin!).

And now it emerges that his tour van has been raided by police in Sweden and drugs and a stun gun were found.

This kid is paid too much money to be an idiot.

“I understand it is part of the job to be judged...but judge me on the facts, judge me on the music, and be careful of the judgement u pass.”

- Justin Bieber on Twitter