Loading

About: Ben Cohen
Ben Cohen is the editor of The Daily Banter and founder of Banter Media Group. Ben writes a regular column for the Huffington Post and is a regular guest on the RT Network. Ben covered boxing and Mixed Martial Arts for TrueSlant.com, Secondsouts.com, Black Belt Magazine, Boxing Monthly Magazine and ESPN.com. Originally from London, England he currently lives in Washington DC.

Original Opinion

The Real British Citizenship Test

By · January 31,2013
Print Friendly
| 572 Views | Uncategorized

Screen shot 2013-01-31 at 1.25.13 PM

masood_derek_fight-460x317

A couple of days ago, we published the official sample questions of the new British citizenship test as defined by the government. While the questions give a reasonable indication of how British a person is, they don’t cut to the essence of what it means to be a true Brit. Being British means a lot more than knowing how long the Queen has been in power for or who the patron saint of Scotland is. Being British is not just about being born on the foggy island, it is an attitude that defines how you interact with others and how you view the world.

We’ve compiled our own list of penetrating questions at The Daily Banter that will reveal whether you truly are, or could be a British citizen. Take the test below to see whether you really could have tea with the Queen and have a good punch up at the pub afterwards.

The Real British Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you have completed The Real British Citizenship Test.

You scored %%SCORE%% out of %%TOTAL%%.

Your performance has been rated as %%RATING%%


Your answers are highlighted below.
Question 1
How do you make tea?
A
Microwave water, add tea bag and milk
B
Pour boiling water into cup, add tea bag, leave for 2 min then add milk
C
Add tea bag to cup, pour boiling water over tea bag, leave for 2 min, add milk
D
Microwave water with tea bag and milk in, leave for 2 min
Question 2
Is Bob your uncle?
A
No. My uncle's name is Jim.
B
Yes. Bob is actually my uncle.
C
Yes, but only metaphorically speaking. Bob is my (or your) uncle when something goes very well indeed.
D
Who is Bob?
Question 3
Does smashing up a bar, screaming "Eng-ger-lund! Eng-ger-lund!", getting into a fight with a innocent German bystander and puking your guts out seem like a great Friday night out?
A
No. How dreadfully uncouth.
B
Yes! But only on a Friday.
C
I prefer jazz cafes.
D
I don't go out on weekends.
Question 4
How much do you hate Camilla Parker Bowles?
A
Big time. She knifed Lady Di in the back and she's trying to poison Kate Middleton.
B
She's great! She makes Charles happy, therefore she makes me happy.
C
Don't care one way or the other.
D
Hate her a bit, but only from a anti monarchy/socialist revolutionary point of view.
Question 5
Do you apologise when someone walks into you?
A
No. They walked into me, so f#$k them.
B
Depends on who's at fault.
C
Sometimes. Depends on my mood.
D
Always, regardless of who's at fault. In fact, I apologize before they walk into me.
Question 6
Do you like to queue?
A
No. I cut in line if I'm in a hurry.
B
Yes. It is my duty as a Brit to wait patiently in line and enjoy it.
C
What is a queue?
D
Depends on whether there's someone nice to chat to.
Question 7
When you are stuck behind people, do you loudly clear your throat 2 or 3 times before actually saying "excuse me"?
A
2 times. That's polite enough.
B
I don't. I say "excuse me" straight away.
C
3 times at least! Twice would be the height of rudeness.
D
Only once. I've got things to do.
Question 8
How may times a day do you use the word 'mate'?
A
At least 20. Use it when talking to anyone and everyone.
B
That's disgusting. What has mating got to do with anything?
C
Rarely(0-3 times per day). Only use it when talking to a close friend.
D
Around 10. Don't want to seem too 'pally' with everyone.
Question 9
Do you like to talk about sex?
A
Yes! All the time. Particularly over a glass of wine and a croissant.
B
Quite a bit. Talk about it regularly, particularly with my middle aged parents.
C
Isn't the weather nice today!
D
Only when a bit drunk.
Question 10
What is the greatest comedy of all time?
A
'Friends'
B
Monty Python's Flying Circus
C
The Office (the British version of course)
D
South Park
Once you are finished, click the button below. Any items you have not completed will be marked incorrect. Get Results
There are 10 questions to complete.

  • Recoloniser

    There isn’t much consistency in what you count as a correct answer, Ben.

    For instance: Anyone who calls everyone in sight “mate” (Q8) doesn’t give a shit about the mare that Chuck married after bumping off his first floozy (Q4).
    Similarly, if you’re too uptight to talk about sex (Q9), you’d refuse to answer Q10 as the options are all dreadfully off, dear boy!

    In other words, you’ve been away for so long, you don’t understand the British class system any more.

  • Aaron Litz

    7 out of 10. I guess I’m pretty British for living in a redneck central Pennsylvania village. Not that I’m complaining; the Clash and Sex Pistols posters on my wall liven things up around here.

    But OI, YOU bugger off!

  • http://www.facebook.com/aliveceo Andrew Salter

    4 out of 10 MATE!

    • Benthedailybanter

      Very sad Andy. Very sad indeed.

  • http://twitter.com/AntEvansUFC Ant Evans

    9 out of 10. ;D

    • Benthedailybanter

      what did you get wrong Ant??

  • http://twitter.com/tlavely Tony Lavely

    Well, I don’t know. I got 7 from 10 and live in Boston (of all places). Though I have read the HP books multiple times and spent long enough in England that the Red Cross considers me a risk for Mad Cow disease… *says ‘Mooo’ angrily*

    • Benthedailybanter

      Great for a Bostonian Tony! And add two bonus points for the Mad Cow disease risk.

  • http://twitter.com/tyronemillard Tyrone Millard

    7 out of 10. I’m disappointed as South African (Wimbledon transplant) that I never scored higher.

    • Benthedailybanter

      7/10 is not so bad mate!

Most Read Articles Today:

Copyright © 2013 BanterMediaGroup, L.L.C. All rights reserved.