The Right Needs To Do Itself a Favor and Shut Up Right Now
FILED TO: Politics
I’ve tried to steer clear of politics over the past several days. I know that in the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting, there’s really no way to attempt to bring about meaningful change on a lasting, national level than through political action, and yet somehow I can’t help but feel that submitting to the obscene circus that our political discourse has become is beneath any of us right now. It’s just way too petty to argue online or to suffer the foolish who fail to comprehend the enormity of this event.
And yet some of what’s been said and offered as reasonable reaction to the tragedy in Connecticut is so mind-boggling that it’s simply impossible to ignore. On the plus side, there’s a strong possibility that the seriousness of 20 children and their 6 caretakers being summarily executed in an elementary school has, better than anything else could have, exposed the un-seriousness of many who consider themselves politically astute and worthy of being paid for their opinions. It will probably surprise no one to learn that a large portion of the most painfully idiotic insights being thrown out in response to Sandy Hook are coming from the American right, a group that’s seen its occasionally monstrous worldview take a real pounding since last Friday. There have been so many almost unimaginable comments from conservative mouthpieces over the last few days that you almost feel sorry for the movement as a whole; it’s managed to cap a couple of really bad months by suddenly being put in the kind of position where the best thing to do would be to keep its collective mouth shut. But alas, it can’t.
So you get this kind of thing: reliably ridiculous GOP cartoon character Louie Gohmert fantasizing about an M4-packing principal taking off the head of Adam Lanza before he could hurt any of those precious little gifts from God; Megan McArdle, who’s apparently had some sort of psychotic break, suggesting that parents teach their kids to instinctively say, “Let’s roll,” get into attack formation and make a kamikaze run at anybody pointing an assault rifle in their direction; and then, today, in what seemed to be a concerted effort to top McArdle and win some kind of carnival-style prize, Charlotte Allen of the National Review writing the following paragraph (and I apologize in advance if your brain literally runs out of your ears and into your nose and mouth in an effort to choke you to death before you can finish it):
“There was not a single adult male on the school premises when the shooting occurred. In this school of 450 students, a sizeable number of whom were undoubtedly 11- and 12-year-old boys (it was a K-6 school), all the personnel – the teachers, the principal, the assistant principal, the school psychologist, the ‘reading specialist’ – were female. There didn’t even seem to be a male janitor to heave his bucket at Adam Lanza’s knees. Women and small children are sitting ducks for mass-murderers. The principal, Dawn Hochsprung, seemed to have performed bravely. According to reports, she activated the school’s public-address system and also lunged at Lanza, before he shot her to death. Some of the teachers managed to save all or some of their charges by rushing them into closets or bathrooms. But in general, a feminized setting is a setting in which helpless passivity is the norm. Male aggression can be a good thing, as in protecting the weak – but it has been forced out of the culture of elementary schools and the education schools that train their personnel. Think of what Sandy Hook might have been like if a couple of male teachers who had played high-school football, or even some of the huskier 12-year-old boys, had converged on Lanza.”
Yes. If only there had been a man at Sandy Hook Elementary last Friday. Armed with a gun, preferably. Just imagine what could have happened.
Honestly, there’s no reason to even take Allen seriously here because, like McArdle, she’s so majestically fucking simpleminded that to even get within a few feet of whatever point she’s trying to make would be to risk contracting her weaponized, bio-level-4 grade stupid. Allen’s piece is asinine to the point where I’m convinced she might not be for real and might instead be doing viral publicity for some new Trey Parker and Matt Stone production. She’s self-satire. They all seem to be at this point.
That’s kind of an interesting thing to witness, actually: the sudden self-marginalization of the staunchly conservative viewpoint in this country — the exposing of itself for what it really is these days, what’s it’s allowed itself to become. It’s fetishization of guns and defense of firepower in the face of all perceived threats – including the biggest one of all, simple common sense — is barely based in reality and instead flows from the eternal spring of hyper-masculine 10-inch cock fantasies or paranoid conspiracy theories of a government takeover that informs its lunatic worldview. And now everyone is able to see that.
The curtain has been pulled back and the the wretched truth exposed. And every time one of these idiots opens his or her mouth, it only makes it worse. It only confirms what we already knew or are quickly learning: the conservative movement as it stands today is utterly, hopelessly bankrupt. In each and every way.
Issue 14 of the Banter Magazine is now out! Right now, you can try a membership for only 99 cents!