President Obama Brings Out Keegan-Michael Key To Be His "Anger Translator" at the White House Correspondents' Dinner
April 26th, 2015
Welcome to this week’s edition of The Daily Banter Mailbag! Today, Bob, Ben and Chez discuss the second presidential debate; liberal reaction to a potential Romney victory; and which Romney son likes Huey Lewis and the News?
1) Am I the only one among progressive America who felt like Romney won Tuesday night’s debate? I think President Obama came back very strong but only compared to his limp performance in the previous debate. Am I missing something?
Ben: Er, yes? I thought Romney did quite well if you judge it as a stand alone performance, just like George Foreman fought brilliantly in Zaire in 1974. Problem is, Foreman was also in the ring with Muhammed Ali that night, who out foxed and knocked him out in one of the biggest upsets in boxing history. In my opinion, Obama performed incredibly well on Tuesday night and beat Romney in every single department (my boxing analogy analysis can be found here). Obama showed Romney up as a second rate hack who had a good night a couple of weeks ago, but couldn’t perform at the highest level against an elite operator on his game. I really don’t know what debate you were watching Carol. Sorry.
Chez: I actually don’t think Romney did too terribly either and I definitely understand your feeling that Obama was measured mostly against his debate debacle two weeks ago. That said, Romney once again attempted to steamroll the president and the moderator — the difference is that this time neither was having any of it. I thought Obama was forceful and clear and met Romney toe to toe across the board, and what Obama had that Romney didn’t was no checks in the error column; Romney badly fucked the Libya discussion by saying something that was debunked on the spot. What’s worse, he really thought he had a gotcha moment and it was utterly derailed, making him look like a fool. You can tell the right knows it, too, by the amount of hemming and hawing it’s doing over horseshit things like semantics — “act of terror” vs. “terrorist act” etc. — and the fact that Limbaugh is blaming Candy Crowley for supposedly being in Obama’s pocket (which is absolute fucking nonsense). In the end, I think Obama did win and he definitely gets to control the narrative for a week by coming on so strong. But Romney didn’t completely eat it on the whole.
Bob: If you think Romney won the debate, then you probably thought Dan Quayle won against Lloyd Bentsen in 1988. Romney’s Libya blunder was exactly as bad — in fact worse, because all Quayle did was compare his own age and experience with John F. Kennedy’s age and experience, and, yes, it was a valid comparison even though Kennedy was considerably brighter and better educated. Back to Romney, I’ve never seen a candidate for president so thoroughly hang himself as Romney did on Tuesday night, and I don’t care if he farted rainbows for the rest of the debate, his Libya blunder was just that disastrous. First, in what should’ve been a weak issue area for the president, he strongly chastised Romney to his face for even questioning whether Hillary Clinton was playing politics with the attack, then Romney hurled himself face-first into a brick wall by baiting the president on “acts of terror” then being proved absolutely wrong in front of 66 million viewers. Romney’s response: Derp! Then he lied about it again. I’ve never seen anything quite like that, and I challenge anyone to come up with a similarly huge collapse. Beyond that, Romney was generally weak, awkward (“binders full of women”) and riddled with lies (“the president doubled the deficit” — lie!). As for the president, if you’re judging him based on a style contrast against the first debate, you’re missing a universe of other criteria. He nailed at least half-a-dozen questions with killer responses, including his successful positioning of Romney to the right of George Bush; his remarks on Planned Parenthood and what they truly offer to women; on the 47 percent and who specifically composes it (veterans, the elderly, etc); his zinger on the size of Romney’s pension; and so forth. Masterful. Best debate I’ve ever seen, and Obama’s performance was one of the top three best I’ve seen as well. So, Carol, that’s what you’re missing. By the way, there’s more here.
2) I know several liberals have stated that if Mitt Romney wins they will either A) commit suicide or B) leave the country. Should the Mittocalypse occur which method for A and which location for B would you suggest?
Bob: Sorry to say, but those people are cowards. We’re Americans and no matter what happens in an election, we stay and we fight. Full stop.
Ben: Love it Frederic! Might as well go for a ‘take everyone down with me’ type of suicides and go down to Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas with some heavy artillery and take out the lunatic Phelps family before topping yourself [Disclaimer: This is a joke people….I don’t advocate suicide….]. As for the relocation, I’ve always thought Costa Rica was the place to go. Most of it is rain forest so you could learn to live off the land while Romney plunges us into wars with Iran, China and Russia and destroys what is left of the global financial system. I spent a week in an eco resort a few years back – very relaxing, although there are a lot of bugs…
Chez: Oh, lovely. Are they saying that again? Jesus, that crap gets tired. One of the things I have to respect about conservatives is that they rarely whine about running off to Canada because they’d hate the healthcare system there and the fact that Canadians are supposedly such liberal-minded pussies. Nobody’s gonna kill themselves over this and nobody’s going to run away to a foreign country. If Romney were to win we’d be in very bad shape — he’d have the potential to do lasting damage to the country and undo many of the good pieces of legislation that Obama has enacted — but we’d get over it eventually. But, hey, if you’re insane enough to want to kill yourself over a Romney win, I’m certainly not going to try to deter you. I figure you’re so fucking dumb you’ll do more damage to yourself and others being alive so have at it.
3) In your opinion, which Romney son would have the easiest time getting a reservation at Dorsia?
Chez: Well, we have to remember that Bateman actually couldn’t get a reservation at Dorsia, but I assume you’d like to know which member of the Romney brood most resembles Bateman. On that note, it’d have to be Josh and his ice-cold stare. That motherfucker looks like he’s already tried to stuff a cat into an ATM — and actually succeeded. I can absolutely hear him expounding on the brilliance of Huey Lewis and the News’s “Sports” album and promising “Christy” that she won’t have to go to the hospital this time from the window of his limo. As for the rest, Craig is absolutely Timothy Bryce; the stalker vibe he gives off could definitely be the result of being on steroids and doing blow in a bathroom stall. Matt is “Davis” because he’s indistinguishable from Josh (Bateman). Ben is Luis Carruthers because he’s most definitely gay and is forced to hide it. And of course, Tagg is Paul Allen. He’s a fucking douche who has misguided delusions of grandeur and is pretty much destined to meet the business end of an ax at some point just for running his mouth.
Bob: Tagg would have to take a swing as his Dad and knock him out cold in order to get in because no matter how you slice it, Mitt Romney IS Patrick Bateman.
Ben: For readers unfamiliar with ‘Dorsia’ it’s the fictional high end NYC restaurant in ‘American Psycho’ that Patrick Bateman (the psycho) can never get a reservation to. To me, all of Romney’s sons look identically preppy, rich, and sociopathic so I don’t know which one would have the best chance.
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April 26th, 2015
April 24th, 2015