Politico: Candidates Start Laying Groundwork For 2042 Election

A VandeHarris Joint

The Democratic Convention in Charlotte isn’t even over yet, but some candidates are already working the playground in advance of the 2042 presidential election.

Democratic insiders say Timmy Godwin has already put out feelers to key donors and is quietly assembling his campaign team. “Timmy invited me to his tree fort,” a reliable source tells us, “and made me pinkie swear that I wouldn’t tell anyone about his campaign plans.”

Godwin is known in the Democratic party for his broad appeal to base voters. “Timmy always shares his juice box. He handed out gummy worms to the entire playground one time. That will be key,” another source close to Godwin told us.

The most likely rival for the Godwin camp is Jordan Belmont. Belmont has a reputation in kindergarten as a bit of a wonk. “Jordan went against his own party and said ‘not it’ when we were playing tag. It was kind of a game changer,” says Democratic strategist Suzy Kemp, age 6.

In the Republican camp, there is less of a consesus around the likely nominees. While Chuck Romney Bush IV has high name recognition, his role in last year’s Bunnygate could come back to haunt him.

Dave Monk has the power to get the base vote, according to some insiders, recounting a recent episode where Monk gave a detailed presentation on why “recess is socialist.”

Others cite Stewart Rennard’s innovative strategy to “build the dang fence” around the playroom which has been key to keeping out the boogeyman, though Democrats in the kindergarten class say they have “concerns” about the civil liberties implications.