Fox News '62: Wacky Jack Makes "Moon" Speech

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Sep. 12, 1962
(HOUSTON) -- Amid increasing evidence of his unstable mental condition, President Kennedy today announced in a speech at Rice University that he was beginning a program to send America to the "moon". The audience in attendence seemed mostly puzzled by the President's moon talk.

"A man on the moon? That's a ridiculous idea.", said little Charlie Krauthammer, 12, president of his neighborhood's "Lil' Neocon Society". It does seem like an odd endeavour for Kennedy, especially when you consider that there are still questions remaining from the 1960 election in which many observers believe Kennedy stole the election from Nixon.

The president caused jaws to drop even further when he insisted that a moon landing would occur before the end of the decade - supposedly some time in 1969 at the latest. "President Kennedy's lack of scientific knowledge is dangerous," said Harry Trunbridge of the Conservative Coalition of Scientists. He continued: "We all know that dangerous cosmic rays prevent man from going any further than low earth orbit. Plus, there are space monsters on the moon."

The president's spokesman disagreed with these bold, proud Americans, possibly due to Communist influence over the administration.