The absurdity of the English language

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By Nick Lang

The sheer insanity of 'ough' in the English language has on many an occasion baffled every inch of my fragile brain. I just wanted to very briefly demonstrate this with five very different sounding words which comprise of the same fucking letters! Grrrr.

I submit for your approval, the following:

Borough, Dough, Through, Rough and Plough.

Of course, this may only really make sense if you are speaking to an English person, so allow me to assist by sounding these irritating words out for you phonetically:

Burra, Doh, Throo, Ruff and Plow.

Somebody please explain to me the rational explanation as to why the same four letters can produce five entirely different sounds!

We Brits may complain that our Yank mates across the pond "steal our language and take bits out" - like color, aluminum or mom. It seems that you have a slight aversion to the letter 'u'. What's that all about? But like Eddie Izzard before me, I agree with you on the word 'thru'. Because for some reason, our spelling of it means that it could be thra, throh, throo, thruff or even throw!

So fuck you 'ough', you don't make any sense and you just annoy people. I think it's about time that we just got rid of you all together and made some new spellings that aren't as irritating and confusing. All those, in favour, say THRU!!!