Reality TV warping reality

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By Nick Lang

The whole reality TV genre should stop encouraging people not to go out and get lives for themselves. There are people who watch Big Brother all day, send constant messages to Channel 4 in the hope of being momentarily important, and who talk about the ‘characters’ like they’ve known them for years. The only reason that these programmes do so well seems to be because we are all so bored of our own lives that we have to watch other peoples’; which also explains why there are so many magazines dedicated to what celebrities do in their spare time.

For the love of God live a little for yourselves! Why the fuck do you care which secluded beach resort Britney Spears is staying in at the moment? You sure as hell can’t afford it, and neither can I so who gives a shit? Everyone in this country is obsessed by gossip because they don’t get enough in their own lives – well I think if you’re that desperate then do something crazy yourself. Get a tit-job, buy a Ferrari, shag a footballer; whatever it takes just do it, then shut up and get on with the rest of your life.

I would love to meet Big Brother (or just the team that select the contestants) and give them a fucking good kick squar in the nuts for aiding the sharp and unwavering decline of intelligence and value in society. Yet when I really think about it, the real enemy is not the TV people – although they have sold their souls and will burn for all eternity after dying hideous deaths – it is the public. The English public have got themselves into a vicious cycle of retardation, in which they demand more and more retards as celebrities and role models, who simply retard them further, and this simply causes them to seek even greater retards to settle their need to feel slightly less retarded.

In an age when people are considered to be celebrities by simply selling stories of themselves fucking actual famous people, or for filing lawsuits against them, what are the rest of us to do? I have never been made to feel like an intellectual in my life, and in fact I have often felt that it is my academic value and smarts that have let me down over the years; but these days I feel like a fucking genius. I would even go as far as to say that people have judged me and thought of me as some sad bastard intellectual in recent years, simply for saying that I’m concerned about such important political issues as the fat content of a McChicken Nugget. This world really has gone to hell.