A hilarious and stinging satirical letter from corporate America:
A Message From The American Corporate Plutocracy
By Paul Street
could swear this happened last night (I am writing on the morning of
Thursday, January 31st), but it may be my addled, anxious, and
overworked mind playing tricks on me.
I was watching "American Idol" and trying to balance my checkbook.
I was thinking I should try out for
"Idol." I was also thinking about the gap between my income and my
irreducible life expenditures.
A commercial for a drug that promised
to make me happy and relaxed flashed across the television. I reached
for the clicker to hit "mute."
But before I could turn off the sound,
the ad was interrupted by the image of a sixty-something businessmen
sitting behind a giant desk in a plush corporate office.
A message ran across the bottom of the screen. It said: "A Message from the American Corporate Plutocracy."
The businessman was wearing a
pinstripe suit. Behind him hung pictures of J.P. Morgan, Ronald Reagan,
Bill Gates, and Bill Clinton.
He looked very serious. He read the following speech:
"American subjects, we are
interrupting this important pharmaceutical advertisement to tell you of
the special satisfaction we feel at learning that John Edwards has
dropped out of the Democratic presidential campaign."
"Edwards was on the cover of Newsweek
a little more than a month ago. He was charismatic, handsome, and very
effective on the campaign trail and in debates. He had star quality and
many millions of dollars."
"In the last big match-up survey taken
before the Iowa Caucus, he polled as the most electable candidate in
the presidential race. He was the only Democratic contender who
defeated all of the likely Republican presidential candidates - even
John McCain, who defeated Hillary Clinton and tied Barack Obama."
"Democratic Party primaries have been held in just four small states and he's already done."
"We are very pleased to hear of his
early surrender, in which we played our usual quiet but powerful role.
It is we who made sure that Edwards' more explicitly corporate and
centrist opponents could outspend him by a wide margin."
"It is we who pushed him to the margins of the all-powerful media system we own and manage in your interest - and ours."
"We've already voted John Edwards off the presidential version of 'American Idol'" - so you don't have to.
"We've winnowed the presidential field
to four (4) officially elect-able and corporate-friendly candidates and
the election is more than ten months away!"
Click here to keep reading.