How to Spot a Neo Con

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Ben Cohen
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By Ben Cohen: Responsible for the majority of the World's problems these days, it would be a good idea to know how to spot a Neo-Conservative. Here are some of his major characteristics:

1. White, un-athletic.

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2. Obsessed with weapons, powerful leaders and military might.

3. No actual experience in the military, or of real fighting (may have been bullied physically by older boys at school though).

4. Smug, self-satisfied. Convinced of own moral clarity.

5. Proponent of ‘Exceptionalism’- the belief that their country is morally superior to everyone else, and incapable of malicious intent.

6. Unable to draw meaningful historical analogies- make frequent comparisons between tin pot dictators of third world countries (Saddam Hussein, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) and Adolf Hitler, the maniacal leader of the most technologically and industrially advanced country of its time.

7. Believe strongly in welfare for corporations through tax breaks, huge budget increases in the military industrial complex, and government interventions when Fortune 500 companies cannot survive the market.

8. Believe strongly in no welfare for the poor, and harsh market discipline for the majority of the working population.

9. Obsessed with the ‘purity’ of the market, but not willing to subject the rich or their own country to it.

10. Unwilling to sacrifice themselves or their family for their ideals, but very aggressive in sacrificing other people.