THE WEEKLY MILLENNIAL: Explaining ISIS, Syria, and Rick Perry’s Indictment To Apathetic 20-Somethings

By August 26, 2014

“Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.” – Leonardo da Vinci

  • "There is no magic bullet, American or otherwise, that’s going to fix this ISIS problem."
  • "Because despite the violence that is associated with them on the media, deep down this is a political issue not a military one."

Tom Friedman Proves Again That He’s The Most Overpaid Columnist Alive

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You can always count on Tom Friedman at the New York Times to take incredibly complex events and create dangerously simple analogies out of them.

Watch Joe Biden Flirt With a 108 Year-Old WWII Vet and Tell Me Why He Can’t Be President

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Joe Biden is one smooth, presidential-looking guy.

Animal Rights Activists are an Easy Punchline, But Their Cause Deserves Greater Public Advocacy

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Unfortunately, there’s exactly nothing on the political docket with regards to protecting animals. So, it’s unclear why animal rights activism needed to be taken down a notch.

White House: No, ISIS Still Can’t Have a F**king Varsity Jacket!

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After attempts six and seven to get terrorist assholes ISIS their own collective varsity jacket, the White House press was denied once again, and rather definitively so.

Gay, Black Michael Sam Sacks and Mocks Cocky White Male Johnny Manziel

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Football is awesome sometimes.

Here Are 7 Causes More Important Than Animal Rights

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The members of PETA and other animal rights groups are dedicated to stopping animal suffering in the world — and this is (on balance) probably a good thing. However, they are convinced that their cause is more important than any other on the planet, and this is not ok. Here are 7 causes that almost certainly trump animal rights:

White House Press Corps: Has Burger King Crossed the Red Line?

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The old title for Most Ridiculous Phrase Ever Uttered At A White House Briefing belonged to the Robert Gibbs-era exchange about bestiality, but that was never supposed to be serious.

The ‘Boycott Burger King’ Hashtag Is Perfect For Privileged Yuppies

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Once again, lazy and selective hashtivism comes to social media.

WATCH: John Boehner Compares Himself to a Creepy Horror-Movie Monkey

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It’s literally 41 seconds of John Boehner in various settings with a creepy horror-movie toy monkey.

Sorry, But the Democrats Are Absolutely Not ‘Doomed’ in the Midterms

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It appears as if Democratic prospects aren’t as horrifying as everyone says. Far from it.

WATCH: Billy Crystal’s Emmy Awards Tribute to Robin Williams

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On tonight’s Emmy Awards telecast, Billy Crystal delivered a touching tribute to the late Robin Williams.

WATCH: The Most Shamelessly Disgusting Ad of the 2014 Midterms (So Far)

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A New Mexico Republican candidate for Senate, Allen Weh, released the following ad today, becoming the first video blast of the 2014 campaign to exploit last week’s beheading of American journalist James Foley.

Thank You, Banter Readers. Here’s What Your Money Went Toward in Ferguson

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Last week, Banter readers helped us do something very few other outlets could ever dream of: they funded our foray into on-the-ground reporting in Ferguson, Missouri by generously donating towards the cost of plane tickets, hotels and car rentals.

Dear Atheists In Congress: It’s Time To Come Out Of the Closet

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It’s time to end this ridiculous charade that enables anti-atheist bigotry.

Face It, Blacks. Michael Brown Let You Down.

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For a moment there, things were looking pretty good. A boy shot multiple times with his hands up. College bound. Poor. Innocent. And in response: helicopters and tanks. Maybe this time, we thought, they would believe us.

Killing ISIS, Neocon Dreams, And The One Thing That Bush Got Right

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The resurgence of radical Islam in the form of ISIS (or ISIL or Islamic State or whatever those asses are calling themselves this week) shows that we must continue to focus on fighting this brand of terrorism in any way we can, but that we have to be wise about using our powers. The Far… Read More

Sarah Palin’s Ice Bucket Challenge is Funnier Than You Think

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For the first time ever, a video of Sarah Palin is funny for the right reasons.

Everything You Should Know About These Crazy ISIS F**kers

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A helpful guide to the insanity of ISIS.